Illustration by Gary Clement for The National
Most people don’t get married with divorce in mind. But the sad fact is that marriages are increasingly ending in permanent splits. And so how can we walk that ever-so-delicate line between believing in and living the “happy ever after”, thinking of it as “our money” and planning for a future of total togetherness, while being aware of the probability, however low, of divorce.
And that probability is getting higher. In the UAE, which has one of the highest divorce rates in the Muslim world, more and more expatriates are deciding to end their marriages. Between 2009 and 2011, divorce between Emiratis increased by 7 per cent, but there was a whopping 30 per cent rise for other nationalities.
You can understand how this came to be: there are many stresses that go with expatriate life, including relocating to a country you’re not familiar with, leaving behind support systems, friends and family.
Add to this the often long hours put in at the office, lines blurred between work time and family time, as well as frequent business-related travel, and perhaps one partner – usually the wife – having to go back home, sometimes for months, to deal with schooling issues, to escape the summer heat with little ones or to look after elderly parents among many other reasons.
And even when the going is good, the best intentions and plans can go askew, with one partner declaring, out of the blue in some cases, that he or she wants a divorce.
And so how can we plan for a life of togetherness, while planning for “just in case”?
I’m by no means an expert, nor do I believe that anyone is in fact, but every time a long-term married female friend asks me about investment opportunities or wants to talk about money, it’s usually the precursor to, or in anticipation of, a split on the horizon. Most women in this category have let their careers take a back seat and were dedicated to raising children and being homemakers.
This is not to say that women don’t also walk out on their menfolk, but the women, in this typical social expatriate structure of life, are the ones who invariably suffer greater economic consequences and are least prepared to fend for themselves financially – especially if this happens later in life.
The thing is that thinking these issues through, and making provisions, does not only apply to divorce. It also means that should your partner die, or become incapacitated in any way, you would be on top of your finances, and able to survive while any legal, or other, wranglings ensue. And by the way, when a person dies in this country, his or her bank account is frozen until inheritance rights are sorted, so you would need to ensure that you have access to living expenses at the very minimum.
So here are a few things to think about doing:
Have separate accounts. I’m not saying you shouldn’t combine your money in marriage, rather I’m saying that you would do well to have a separate account too – perhaps a current and a savings account – in your sole name. This way, if you need to access cash in a hurry, you will be able to.
Have a pension fund in your name only. This will have the added benefit of focusing your mind on what you need to make provisions for to lead a comfortable life later on.
Now, the women who come asking about investments, and how much they should have in savings, also invariably mention that they don’t know if they can support themselves financially.
The original article was first published in The National
